New hair :)
If two grown men can’t make a pervert happy for a few minutes in order to watch a film about zombies, then maybe we should all just move to Iran.
As far as situation news goes, I have no money, my benefits still aren’t being paid despite my constant pestering. The hostels that I have applied to have made no contact. In all honesty, I’m quite fucked. No money, no home, rapidly running out of people willing to help me and places to stay. I’ve tried so hard to help myself, clawing and fighting but I’m continually kicked back down again, being fucked over both by unlucky coincidence and intentionally cruel people. Considering selling what little is left of my possessions, I guess they aren’t really doing me any good now anyway. Things are getting seriously desperate.
I ran out of my medication and I’m still going to have to wait another couple of days before my prescription is ready, I really don’t know whether I can last. Simultaneously running out of both antidepressants and mood stabilisers really isn’t a barrel of laughs. Really need to get to a doctor about this painful rash that’s appeared on my arms, legs and face soon, too. It’s driving me insane. It actually really hurts and it’s getting worse every day… I keep waking up in the middle of the night on the verge of screaming in pain because my damn skin feels like it’s on fire. I keep getting so ill all the time lately, I feel so run down.
As for the rest of life, I’m feeling quite lost and alone, and anger keeps creeping up on me. Like I’m bitter and lashing out at something. I guess that’s normal, considering everything that’s happened. Being abandoned left right and center has left me relatively confused about a lot of things. People claiming not to hate me but then acting like they do. Wanting to escape from reality all the time, desperate to make it stop hurting by any means necessary. I’m so tired of all of it. Tired of not trusting anybody, tired of being used for sex, tired of using other people for sex, tired of constantly being terrified.
Today I feel like I’m standing at a fork in the road… I need to make a choice, I know I either need to give up and die or take charge of everything, take control and gather my strength for one last stand. My headspace feels so messy and disorganised today, being without my medication has made my reality far too sudden and intense. The level of mood fluctuation has been ridiculous. The voices are louder now, and sometimes they make a lot of sense to me, maybe they’re right, but I feel as though they shouldn’t be…
So yeah, that’s a pretty full update of my life right now, without naming and shaming, of course. I think I’ve been rambling for far too long now.
You don’t get it, I don’t WANT to, ever.
Well, I was madly in love, we had a flat together, i thought it was all perfect. He got sick of me though, goes to show that you never know what’s going to happen. It can all go tits up so easily.
I’ve managed to have it all and then spectacularly fuck it up just by being me… so it gives me little faith for the future. Fair enough mate, would be nice to know who you are though.
Even if it was all a lie
I don’t know… surely it can’t be the same for all of them. I just think I deserve it tbh. Thanks, that’s really sweet, cheered me up *accepts kiss on forehead*